And Thus It Begins...

It's been almost an entire month since I made my first post and I believe that it is just setting in that I will actually be leaving. I've begun preparing myself for all of the weirdness of living alone and trying to gain some courage and insight through this experience.

I am leaving with my parents and a U-Haul trailer for Washington DC early Thursday morning. We'll be moving all of my junk (and a few things that actually have eternal value) to my place and getting situated. I'm really happy to have the opportunity to get used to the place while my parents are in town. It seems that it will make the transition easier.

I also decided that I will be coming back home with my parents sometime around Monday or Tuesday. With class not starting until August 31st, I thought coming back would give me a good opportunity to spend some final days with friends and family without having to worry about the hassle of moving. I will be grabbing a train back to DC sometime around August 21-23rd and probably will not be home then until Christmas break.

So much has changed in the past month regarding my life in DC. As many of you know, my girlfriend and I split after nearly 2 years this past week for various reasons, not the least of which being my own eccentricities and quirks (more on that later).

This means that this move will be, in every possible way, a starting over and the begining of, in many ways, a completely new life. In some ways, it is a freeing feeling. I am now able to fully discern whatever God is calling me toward. Ever since I was little I have felt called to be a husband and father, but since my conversion (or reversion, if one could call it that) I've had various moments where I felt very called to the priesthood as well. Through various contacts, I have already gotten in touch with several priests in DC and will hopefully be meeting with one to start spiritual direction as soon as I move. I'll never hear where God is calling me (married life, the priesthood, single life etc.)if I don't listen and I hope that I will be able to be a better listener as I move forward in life.

Perhaps the two things that interest me most about being alive are suffering and death. (My next post should highlight this in a better and hopefully more humorous way). I realize that this sounds pretty morbid and perhaps it is, but it seems that there are hardly two more important topics that weigh down on the shoulders of all those who grapple with existence. There are many things that I fear in face of moving and living all by myself, but I also see them as a blessing. While I will certainly be opening myself up to all sorts of new and fun things, I will also be forced to grow up and grapple with certain things that are tough and painful. I think, if I am lucky, that these experiences can be a sort of Purgatory for me. Indeed, I fall short of being an Imitation of Christ, but hopefully with God's grace the difficulties before me shall be like God's hands molding and kneading me into the shape that I need to be. Catholicism is the religion of suffering, but unlike Buddhism it does not shy from it. Suffering has always existed and will follow us doggedly to our graves. The great hope of Catholicism lies not within running from suffering, but embracing it by uniting it with Christ's. In doing so, we give our suffering meaning. We let it be Christ's tool to wake us up, purge out all that doesn't belong, and save us from ourselves. As C. S. Lewis stated, "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pain: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

Of course, it is easy to say all of this in theory. It is indeed much harder to accept suffering when we meet it head on.

Lord, make haste and answer; for my spirit fails within me. Do not hide your face lest I become like those in the grave.


Dominus Vobiscum,
Taylor