Thank You

It's really pretty late and I should be sleeping, but I just wanted to take some time to thank you who read this blog and who are good souls. These past few months have been really hard for me for reasons that I've talked to some of you about.

It's funny how people can still make you feel pretty crappy about life even when you know they aren't good for you. Life really is beautiful and it's too bad that we all get caught up in so much garbage. As bummed as I've been, and as lonely as I've gotten at times, it's been ok because you've reminded me that there are always people who have your back.

I don't know why the world is as messed up as it is. I don't know why relationships seem to only bring hurt to the people I know, but I do know we're doing the right things. There is a beauty in that and a weight is taken off the shoulders.

The older that I get the more I realize how sick the world is. The modern era is the most immature of all eras. Gone are the concepts of common decency and commitment.

Am I bitter? Sure. But, I think that's a normal response to these sorts of things. It's tough to have someone so radically reject your well-being as a person, especially someone who you've cared for and been cared for by.

In the end, you're left with only a quiet resolution that you're better off, even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment. Life, like God, is mysterious and there is a curious way for scars to turn into sources of real wisdom and growth. I've already learned so much about how to treat people and care for them unconditionally. Some of those things are learned in a beautiful way, some of them, unfortunately, are a bit more painful. How we learn them doesn't really matter as far as the effect it brings to our lives. It's important to take wisdom and not revenge from injury.

Hope is important. I'm far, far from perfect (believe me), however, I know that someday I'll give my life for someone. As God is my witness, by his grace I'll die in some way for someone someday. Everyone deserves that and it was for this I was made. I couldn't have done that in the situation I was in. We all want to be loved and appreciated. We all want someone to meet us where we are, take the veil off of our facade, and truly love whoever it is we really are underneath. That's a special thing and we shouldn't settle for anything else.

I wasn't always who I should have been. In fact, I was far from it at times. But I do know that I gave it my all and learned to love, in some senses, unconditionally. It is tempting to feel wronged and to wish we'd never put ourselves in such a vulnerable position. It is tempting to regret it. I don't. The world may make you feel it, but that doesn't change the character of our actions. We can't become that which we rebel against (even if the people in our lives do) and so we continue on as best as we know how.

Too often people sell themselves short in this world. Too often people are too afraid or simply incapable of loving or being loved in a meaningful way. We should especially keep these people in our prayers. This world, our very inheritance, has robbed us of the natural goods we desire as human beings. These are injustices, but we have nothing to do but shrug them off and try to keep loving as Christ loved. There are a million choice words I'd like to use, but what good would that do? I'm thankful that God has given this sinner a clear sight on some of these issues. It doesn't make things easier now... and maybe it won't ever make things better in this life, but it's the only real option.

We must continue to love the eternal in a fallen and unjust world. On the other side of being unwilling to love in the face of injustice lies the other extreme which is to buy into the perversion of the world. It is infinitely important that we not fall into this extreme either. As the prayer says, "Stand by me that I may not be dazzled by the glitter and glow of the enemy camp." A hatred for the world that we live in is crucially important. As T.S. Eliot once said, "There is no more repulsive spectacle than an old man who will not forsake the world, which has already forsaken him." The world has forsaken all of us and will ultimately leave us alone and dying. In some senses, it is our Judas, the one who betrays us with a kiss of "glitter and glow." May we keep our eyes steadfastly on things eternal.

People can trick you and trick themselves into thinking they are something that they aren't. There's really nothing elegant one can say about that. It is what it is. You try to learn to not repeat the mistakes you've made yourself or those done to you. Then you hope to be able to give that suffering a meaning and make a better life for yourself and someone else in the future. The falling, the sadness, that is all inevitable. And so, instead of being upset I'm just going to thank you all for your support. It's not always easy to talk about these sort of things and perhaps it seems a bit dramatic, but you learn a thing or two by losing something so important in your life when you're already so far removed from everything and everyone else who means anything to you. One of those things I've learned is that life is short. Another is that we don't take the time to tell the people in our lives how important they are to us and how much their care and kindness means to our well-being. I am well because of you. If that's sappy then so be it. It had to be said.